There’s an amateur band practicing in a duplex across the street from me.  And they suck.  Really, really suck.  I hear nothing but drums and rhythm guitar matching each other.  Sometimes there’s the sound of someone ripping their vocal chords out and stomping on them.  But mostly it is relentless percussive noise.  It’s the sound your brain makes when it’s having a migraine.

My guess is that they’re trying for a sound like The Black Keys:  stripped down, rugged and as raw as a skinned knee.  I wish the guys across the street would strip down to silence.

I’ve been a music critic for nearly 14 years (an unintentional career path – I was in band in high school, a DJ in college, plus I’ve got is misapprehension that I can write a meaningful sentence or two), and I’ve mostly kept a civil tongue about the extraordinarily bad music I’ve experienced in that time.

They’ve had the cops called on them more than once.  At about 3:00 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning, the police answering to a noise complaint actually had to pound on the side of the building to get their attention.  It was sucky and loud.  Two strikes against them.

So how about it?  How many ways can you say:  “This Band Sucks.”

Here are mine:

1.  They’ve got the suck knob on their amps turned up to 11.

2.  They suck so bad that Dan Oreck is filing a patent infringement suit against them

3.  Why do they keep playing their sucky music?  Because it sounds so good when they stop.

Please feel free to add your own in the comments box.

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